From ME to Alateen
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It feels good to be an AMIAS (Al-Anon Member Involved In Alateen Service). Early in my recovery I wondered, if I had found Alateen when I was younger, my life would have been easier.
I remember one day when I was 16. My mother and I had just moved, again. Previously, we had been living in a motel; now we had a 2-bedroom apartment in Redmond. We had a roommate I didn’t get along with and I was attending the third high school in two years. It was the middle of the afternoon and my mother was drunk and mentioned getting another beer. I was so upset about my life, probably, that I took a beer out of the refrigerator, opened it, and grabbed her. I held her small body while trying to force her to drink it but instead poured the beer on her face and cried “you love this beer so much, drink it!”
Growing up was unstable, lonely, and confusing. There were no good relationships in my family as it was clear that we were all on different levels. My stepfather, who also drank all day, and my half-sister were on the top level of the family. My mother and I were on the bottom level. My mother would move around the Seattle area and she took me with her.
In adulthood, my life continued to be difficult partly because I was so critical of others and myself. I considered every person I knew to be above me or below me in some way. All my relationships suffered. I was lonely. I had secrets and my emotions would always get the best of me. I was the victim in every misstep. I didn’t know how to get close to a higher power and I even developed health problems.
I found Al-Anon in my 40’s. The people in the room were the opposite of me in behavior. After a few meetings I decided to tell the story about my mom and the beer. I had never told anyone that story and I expected a huge reaction. The group was silent and listened. When I finished, the only thing I heard was “Thank you for sharing.” And the next person went. It felt good not to get a reaction, not to be judged.
In Al-Anon my story is not so surprising or unique. Slowly, I accepted that my thinking was similar to an alcoholic and could be changed.
After a few years in Al-Anon I was eager to help start an Alateen meeting sponsored by my home group. With the help of other members, it was simple. Now I wonder maybe one day a kid like I was walks in. I hope that kid sees some friendly faces. And now maybe that kid’s life will be a bit easier.
I remember one day when I was 16. My mother and I had just moved, again. Previously, we had been living in a motel; now we had a 2-bedroom apartment in Redmond. We had a roommate I didn’t get along with and I was attending the third high school in two years. It was the middle of the afternoon and my mother was drunk and mentioned getting another beer. I was so upset about my life, probably, that I took a beer out of the refrigerator, opened it, and grabbed her. I held her small body while trying to force her to drink it but instead poured the beer on her face and cried “you love this beer so much, drink it!”
Growing up was unstable, lonely, and confusing. There were no good relationships in my family as it was clear that we were all on different levels. My stepfather, who also drank all day, and my half-sister were on the top level of the family. My mother and I were on the bottom level. My mother would move around the Seattle area and she took me with her.
In adulthood, my life continued to be difficult partly because I was so critical of others and myself. I considered every person I knew to be above me or below me in some way. All my relationships suffered. I was lonely. I had secrets and my emotions would always get the best of me. I was the victim in every misstep. I didn’t know how to get close to a higher power and I even developed health problems.
I found Al-Anon in my 40’s. The people in the room were the opposite of me in behavior. After a few meetings I decided to tell the story about my mom and the beer. I had never told anyone that story and I expected a huge reaction. The group was silent and listened. When I finished, the only thing I heard was “Thank you for sharing.” And the next person went. It felt good not to get a reaction, not to be judged.
In Al-Anon my story is not so surprising or unique. Slowly, I accepted that my thinking was similar to an alcoholic and could be changed.
After a few years in Al-Anon I was eager to help start an Alateen meeting sponsored by my home group. With the help of other members, it was simple. Now I wonder maybe one day a kid like I was walks in. I hope that kid sees some friendly faces. And now maybe that kid’s life will be a bit easier.
2nd Annual Garden Party – ICE CREAM SOCIAL
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Has Your Meeting Changed?
Changes and Updates are made Weekly. (Seattle AIS is automatically cc'd in the change request) If you have any questions or concerns regarding the Seattle AIS updated meeting schedule, please contact meetingdirectoryeditor@seattle-al-anon.org |
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Battery Recharge
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Before being exposed to Al-Anon, I always seemed to be running on a low battery. I got very little sleep and always seemed to be on-the-move, resulting in often feeling tired and run down. I would get up early in the morning and depart for the office before the alcoholic woke up. I was also prone to working late and being engaged in multiple volunteer and sports activities. These behaviors were coping mechanisms of avoidance of the alcoholic. When my battery was lowest, however, similar to my vehicle not starting, my behavior was prone to explosive outbursts, or at the least, poor misguided actions. Often resulting in self-induced crises.
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Relating still to the car battery analogy, there are still times when my battery gets really low and the starter goes click, click, click; I'm on the edge of explosion. At these times talking to my sponsor is like getting a jump start. He helps bring me back from the brink before I do or say something stupid, dangerous or destructive.
Fortunately, today I seldom feel run down on a daily basis. By practicing the Legacies and attending meetings my life tends to keep a fairly full battery. More specifically, I liken attending meetings regularly with my new all-electric car. Unlike a regular gas auto, there are not refueling stations on every corner. So, when that battery gets low, my anxiety levels spike the closer to empty I get. To combat the potential explosion, or is that implosion, every couple of days I plug in, keeping my energy topped off.
As I hear often, and wholeheartedly believe to be good for me, I will "keep coming back."
Fortunately, today I seldom feel run down on a daily basis. By practicing the Legacies and attending meetings my life tends to keep a fairly full battery. More specifically, I liken attending meetings regularly with my new all-electric car. Unlike a regular gas auto, there are not refueling stations on every corner. So, when that battery gets low, my anxiety levels spike the closer to empty I get. To combat the potential explosion, or is that implosion, every couple of days I plug in, keeping my energy topped off.
As I hear often, and wholeheartedly believe to be good for me, I will "keep coming back."
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Step Eight Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make
amends to them all. 
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Living in the future is attempting time travel.
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AIS Council Meeting
The next Council meeting is Thursday, August 10th, 2023, 7:30-9:00 pm. Click the AIS website 2023 Calendar link on the Events page (https://www.seattle-al-anon.org/events) for the zoom information. AIS Board MeetingThursday, October 19th, 2023 at 7:00-8:30 pm. Check the AIS website calendar (https://www.seattle-al-anon.org/events) for the zoom link. Concept EightThe Board of Trustees delegates full authority for routine management of Al-Anon
Headquarters to its executive committees. 
Need a Free Newcomer Packet?Anyone local to Seattle who is a newcomer and wants an individual newcomer packet (or in Spanish, too!), please send an email to outreach@seattle-al-anon.org with the name and mailing address. |
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Loving Someone from a Distance Part II |
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In a previous post I wrote about an encounter with a fellow traveler…while I was actually “travelling.” We were sharing our “experience, strength and hope,” when he uttered these wise words; “…sounds like you need to love them from a distance.” I rolled that version of “detachment” around in my mind for the remaining drive home. How can I implement it without feeling guilty or like I have somehow abandoned the relationship with the alcoholic? Over time I have been exploring different ways of applying that concept.
Recognizing the glaring dysfunction and one sidedness of our interactions was key to allowing myself to limit exposure to the poisonous atmosphere that alcoholism tends to generate. As with other trips, returning home after hours of driving, I waited in the darkness until the lights went out. There is good reason for this practice, even though it is exhausting and frustrating to have to navigate this way.
Sadly, within the increasing impairment, just about any encounter with the alcoholic has become harmful to my wellbeing. They often badger me with questions, or villainize me for something that happened while I was away. They rush to dump bad news on me, and/or demand that I share my personal information or gossip about other people. If I don’t comply with the response they want, rage and criticism routinely erupt from them, shattering my peace.
It has been excruciating to accept the reality of how damaged my loved ones have become within their disease. For years I operated from vulnerability and openness, approaching them as if we were on mutual ground. Too many times I would walk away with my heart crushed and my mind spinning with bewilderment.
I have also felt responsible to soothe the alcoholic and to try to lift their mood. What a dance of futility, as alcohol is a depressant, and alcoholics often swathe themselves in self-pity! I finally recognize that I am powerless over the behavior and moods of the alcoholic!
Indirect contact tends to be the best way for me to “love” someone from a distance. I have found that notes and texts written concisely and diplomatically are a good way to communicate. I perform quite a few “acts of service,” being mindful to act out of choice, and not subjugating myself to the alcoholic’s demands or manipulations. Limiting direct contact also gives me more capacity to “Live and Let Live.”
It may sound counterproductive, but “focusing on myself” engenders healthier love for others. I was a natural born “caregiver” and “rescuer” for most of my life. But it doesn’t do the alcoholic, or me, any good to join their orbit around the bottle.
Recognizing the glaring dysfunction and one sidedness of our interactions was key to allowing myself to limit exposure to the poisonous atmosphere that alcoholism tends to generate. As with other trips, returning home after hours of driving, I waited in the darkness until the lights went out. There is good reason for this practice, even though it is exhausting and frustrating to have to navigate this way.
Sadly, within the increasing impairment, just about any encounter with the alcoholic has become harmful to my wellbeing. They often badger me with questions, or villainize me for something that happened while I was away. They rush to dump bad news on me, and/or demand that I share my personal information or gossip about other people. If I don’t comply with the response they want, rage and criticism routinely erupt from them, shattering my peace.
It has been excruciating to accept the reality of how damaged my loved ones have become within their disease. For years I operated from vulnerability and openness, approaching them as if we were on mutual ground. Too many times I would walk away with my heart crushed and my mind spinning with bewilderment.
I have also felt responsible to soothe the alcoholic and to try to lift their mood. What a dance of futility, as alcohol is a depressant, and alcoholics often swathe themselves in self-pity! I finally recognize that I am powerless over the behavior and moods of the alcoholic!
Indirect contact tends to be the best way for me to “love” someone from a distance. I have found that notes and texts written concisely and diplomatically are a good way to communicate. I perform quite a few “acts of service,” being mindful to act out of choice, and not subjugating myself to the alcoholic’s demands or manipulations. Limiting direct contact also gives me more capacity to “Live and Let Live.”
It may sound counterproductive, but “focusing on myself” engenders healthier love for others. I was a natural born “caregiver” and “rescuer” for most of my life. But it doesn’t do the alcoholic, or me, any good to join their orbit around the bottle.
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July 2023 AIS Council Meeting Minutes (Summary, not yet approved)
Meeting Opened at 7:30 PM with the Serenity Prayer
Attendance: 20 individuals
Introductions: all
Readings: Concept 7 by Ginny
Secretary: Kathy K: June Council Meeting minutes accepted as presented.
Chair: Karen L:
August AWSC (Area World Service Committee Meeting) Aug 5:
AIS has a vote at this meeting and Karen will attend. Some districts do not have a DR and the attendance will be around 30 people.
There is a GR petition for Fall Assembly to be a hybrid meeting instead of in person. Karen plans to vote for a hybrid meeting if there is a vote. She recommends groups talk to their DR for more information.
Ice Cream Social: August 20th 2-5pm:
Solveig has posted the flyer. There will be a committee lead meeting Aug 2. We need 1 more set up person. Arden may need another person as well.
Meeting information:
Karen is working on info for the Board Meeting. She notes that groups had previously been about 50/50 split in terms of zoom versus in-person/ hybrid. We are now 60% in some version of in-person which will likely increase literature sales.
Treasurer: Gary H: Seattle AIS remains financially stable. He will be presenting to the Board what he feels our ample reserve and checking accounts should be in terms of both reserve and actual operating monthly costs. The finance committee met prior to the Board Meeting next week to discuss the appropriate amounts for the ample reserve and checking. We do have excess funds in each that can be used for outreach.
Vice Chair Report: Dave M: July Open House Report: 4 people came and were engaged in fellowship with some literature sold. There was a thorough cleaning and inventory of the literature in the office as well. Two people are needed to staff the office during the openings.
He is sending thank-you notes to groups and individuals who are donating.
Coordinators:
LDC: Mary R. The new daily reader has arrived, “A Little Time For Myself” available in Spanish and English. We have 1 case each and it is selling briskly. Three more cases have been ordered.
Linda has been doing inventory and keeping everything in stock. We have an overstock of pamphlets (WSO has changed the look of the pamphlets). We are making them available for free. We are offering free copies of the 2018-2021 Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual and the 2018-2021 Al-Anon Groups at Work. Most of the contents are the same as the 2022-2025 version.
We still need 2 more shipping volunteers for Thursdays to do shipping.
We were asked to report on the top 10 sellers in CAL books for the first 6 months of 2023.
1. How Al-Anon Works
2. Courage to Change
3. 2022-2025 Service Manual
4. Hope For Today
5. Reaching For Personal Freedom
6. ODAT
7. Paths to Recovery
8. Spanish 2022-2025 Service Manual
9. In All Our Affairs
10. Transforming Our Losses
Phones: Dave M (outgoing Coordinator): It was a very quiet month. There were 32 calls in June with 16 days having no calls but there have been 32 calls in July already. There are only 11 active volunteers. 71% of calls needed assistance in regards to needing meeting information, general information, and occasional calls from professionals. He is recruiting new volunteers in September and asks that we continue to recruit at the group level.
Tech: Pierre J: It has been very smooth with no problems. Please contact him if we need any help.
Outreach: Solveig W: Reminder: There is a Newcomer’s Meeting (zoom) sponsored by D16 on the 2nd and 4th Friday night 7:00-8:15 pm. She encourages all to attend to provide service to newcomers. They do answer questions at the meetings. She has been sending out newcomers packets. She welcomes feedback on outreach ideas to help determine how AIS should spend money this fall.
She would like to gather more information from groups in regards to outreach ideas. There are not a lot of groups doing outreach currently. She thinks money grants to groups doing outreach for literature may be a good use of surplus AIS funds.
She asks the following questions.
1. How did you hear about Al-Anon?
2. Have you seen outreach information?
3. Any ideas for how to do outreach activities at the group level.
The information table in Milton was staffed locally and another event in Tacoma that members from Pierce County will do.
Communications: Jackie T: The new Meeting Directory Editor is trained and doing a great job, as is everyone.
Old Business: In the latest revision of the By-Laws, Archives was made part of Communications and is 80% organized. There will be an archive table at the Ice Cream Social, as there is surplus material that can be given away. Jackie will staff it.
New Business: none
Next Council Meeting: Thursday, August 10th, 2023 from 7:30-9:00 PM
Next Board Meeting: Thursday, July 20th, 2023 at 7:00PM; Ample reserve discussion.
Adjournment: Al-Anon/Alateen Declaration at 8:29 PM
Submitted by Kathy K, Secretary
Attendance: 20 individuals
Introductions: all
Readings: Concept 7 by Ginny
Secretary: Kathy K: June Council Meeting minutes accepted as presented.
Chair: Karen L:
August AWSC (Area World Service Committee Meeting) Aug 5:
AIS has a vote at this meeting and Karen will attend. Some districts do not have a DR and the attendance will be around 30 people.
There is a GR petition for Fall Assembly to be a hybrid meeting instead of in person. Karen plans to vote for a hybrid meeting if there is a vote. She recommends groups talk to their DR for more information.
Ice Cream Social: August 20th 2-5pm:
Solveig has posted the flyer. There will be a committee lead meeting Aug 2. We need 1 more set up person. Arden may need another person as well.
Meeting information:
Karen is working on info for the Board Meeting. She notes that groups had previously been about 50/50 split in terms of zoom versus in-person/ hybrid. We are now 60% in some version of in-person which will likely increase literature sales.
Treasurer: Gary H: Seattle AIS remains financially stable. He will be presenting to the Board what he feels our ample reserve and checking accounts should be in terms of both reserve and actual operating monthly costs. The finance committee met prior to the Board Meeting next week to discuss the appropriate amounts for the ample reserve and checking. We do have excess funds in each that can be used for outreach.
Vice Chair Report: Dave M: July Open House Report: 4 people came and were engaged in fellowship with some literature sold. There was a thorough cleaning and inventory of the literature in the office as well. Two people are needed to staff the office during the openings.
He is sending thank-you notes to groups and individuals who are donating.
Coordinators:
LDC: Mary R. The new daily reader has arrived, “A Little Time For Myself” available in Spanish and English. We have 1 case each and it is selling briskly. Three more cases have been ordered.
Linda has been doing inventory and keeping everything in stock. We have an overstock of pamphlets (WSO has changed the look of the pamphlets). We are making them available for free. We are offering free copies of the 2018-2021 Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual and the 2018-2021 Al-Anon Groups at Work. Most of the contents are the same as the 2022-2025 version.
We still need 2 more shipping volunteers for Thursdays to do shipping.
We were asked to report on the top 10 sellers in CAL books for the first 6 months of 2023.
1. How Al-Anon Works
2. Courage to Change
3. 2022-2025 Service Manual
4. Hope For Today
5. Reaching For Personal Freedom
6. ODAT
7. Paths to Recovery
8. Spanish 2022-2025 Service Manual
9. In All Our Affairs
10. Transforming Our Losses
Phones: Dave M (outgoing Coordinator): It was a very quiet month. There were 32 calls in June with 16 days having no calls but there have been 32 calls in July already. There are only 11 active volunteers. 71% of calls needed assistance in regards to needing meeting information, general information, and occasional calls from professionals. He is recruiting new volunteers in September and asks that we continue to recruit at the group level.
Tech: Pierre J: It has been very smooth with no problems. Please contact him if we need any help.
Outreach: Solveig W: Reminder: There is a Newcomer’s Meeting (zoom) sponsored by D16 on the 2nd and 4th Friday night 7:00-8:15 pm. She encourages all to attend to provide service to newcomers. They do answer questions at the meetings. She has been sending out newcomers packets. She welcomes feedback on outreach ideas to help determine how AIS should spend money this fall.
She would like to gather more information from groups in regards to outreach ideas. There are not a lot of groups doing outreach currently. She thinks money grants to groups doing outreach for literature may be a good use of surplus AIS funds.
She asks the following questions.
1. How did you hear about Al-Anon?
2. Have you seen outreach information?
3. Any ideas for how to do outreach activities at the group level.
The information table in Milton was staffed locally and another event in Tacoma that members from Pierce County will do.
Communications: Jackie T: The new Meeting Directory Editor is trained and doing a great job, as is everyone.
Old Business: In the latest revision of the By-Laws, Archives was made part of Communications and is 80% organized. There will be an archive table at the Ice Cream Social, as there is surplus material that can be given away. Jackie will staff it.
New Business: none
Next Council Meeting: Thursday, August 10th, 2023 from 7:30-9:00 PM
Next Board Meeting: Thursday, July 20th, 2023 at 7:00PM; Ample reserve discussion.
Adjournment: Al-Anon/Alateen Declaration at 8:29 PM
Submitted by Kathy K, Secretary
Thank you for your donations and your support of AIS!
Our funding now comes primarily from:
*Donations by Members, Groups, and Districts
*Literature Sales
Please send all AIS mail, including checks for literature orders and donations, to:
Seattle AIS
505 Broadway E #400
Seattle, WA 98102-5023
Donate Now
Our funding now comes primarily from:
*Donations by Members, Groups, and Districts
*Literature Sales
Please send all AIS mail, including checks for literature orders and donations, to:
Seattle AIS
505 Broadway E #400
Seattle, WA 98102-5023
Donate Now
And More ...
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MEETING SCHEDULE: registered Al-Anon groups in the Greater Seattle Area. Hybrid, Concurrent, and in-person meetings are listed.
Please visit our Members section for the most up-to-date information on:
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Meeting NewsNews from the Meeting Directory Editor
The following changes were made from June 15 through July 30. • Wednesday, 7:00 PM, Alderwood AFG, Changed to Alderwood/Edmonds AFG {7/10} • Monday, 7:30 PM, Salmon Bay Candlelight AFG, Changed to Hybrid meetings 1st Monday of each month, all other meetings Zoom only {7/13} • Saturday, 10:00 AM, Expect a Miracle, Changed Zoom ID to 876 3344 8523 {7/14} • Saturday, 11:00 AM, Search for Serenity, Changed Email to searchforserenitybellevue@gmail.com {7/22} • Saturday, 10:00 AM, Expect a Miracle, Changed Zoom link and meeting ID to 867 9195 0378 {7/26} Best, Wren B Seattle Al-Anon Information Service Meeting Directory Editor |