February 2020 Bits
Celebrating Lois with AIS
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On February 29 we will celebrate Lois’s Birthday at an AIS Fellowship event at 5:00 p.m. at St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church, 2650 148th Ave SE, Bellevue.
Having died at the age of 97 in 1988, Lois is no longer with us—but her spirit lives on our program. Celebrating Lois with a fellowship event seems very appropriate. Before the creation of Al-Anon as an organization, Lois and other family members of alcoholics often gathered together in the kitchen or another nearby room where the AA meeting was being held. At first they shared about their day-to-day activities, gossiped, and played bridge; but as they got to know each other, they began to discuss their own problems and what they could do about them. As Lois wrote, “I told my story. It was great to find that because others had gone through similar experiences, each of us no longer had to be alone with our troubles.” Groups comprised of partners, spouses, parents, and children of alcoholics met like this wherever there were AA meetings. These groups met regularly and many had recognized the value of using the Steps and the Traditions of the AA program in their own lives before Al-Anon was formed. Al-Anon was a grassroots movement. The groups came first and the organization followed. Throughout the book Lois Remembers, Lois writes about the relationships that she and her husband, Bill W., had with AA and Al-Anon members outside of the structure of regular meetings. She made lasting friendships around the U.S. and around the world in her travels on behalf of AA, Al-Anon, and Alateen. She appreciated using the time outside of meetings as an opportunity to practice her recovery where the rubber met the road. Lois wrote, “The joy and empathy felt at one of our gatherings are beyond description.” Please join us as we share joy and empathy at Lois’s Birthday Celebration. It is a great opportunity to make new friends, reconnect with others, share some delicious food, and listen to inspiring Alateen, AA, and Al-Anon speakers. |
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Recovery is for Everyone
“If Al-Anon groups do not let the public know of our presence, perhaps by announcing the time and place of our meetings in local newspapers or by some other means, we block ourselves off from those in need.” — Lois Remembers, p. 194
Greetings from AIS Outreach!
Our first 2020 Outreach Committee meeting was off and running with 10 members in attendance for our first brainstorming meeting. We discussed ideas of old, some new, some complex-but-very-exciting long-term idea, BIG ideas, and some simple ideas we can do right now. Needless to say, we had a lot of energy and look forward to continuing to develop the most effective plan for growing our membership.
Outreach needs everyone! You are invited to come share in the excitement and share your ideas. Let’s make this committee the largest AIS has ever seen! Like cheese and crackers? This is for you. Worry that you won’t have anything to contribute? This is especially for you. When we work in service together, we gain in our recovery. And it’s FUN. Having fun while helping others is a HUGE part of our individual recovery.
Our next AIS Outreach Committee meeting is Wednesday, February 26 at 6:30pm in Queen Anne Lutheran Church, 2400 8th Ave W Seattle.
Let it begin with me
When anyone anywhere
Reaches out for help
Let the hand of Al-Anon and Alateen
Always be there
And let it begin with me
Interested and/or have questions? Email Jennifer S. at
outreach@seattle-al-anon.org
Greetings from AIS Outreach!
Our first 2020 Outreach Committee meeting was off and running with 10 members in attendance for our first brainstorming meeting. We discussed ideas of old, some new, some complex-but-very-exciting long-term idea, BIG ideas, and some simple ideas we can do right now. Needless to say, we had a lot of energy and look forward to continuing to develop the most effective plan for growing our membership.
Outreach needs everyone! You are invited to come share in the excitement and share your ideas. Let’s make this committee the largest AIS has ever seen! Like cheese and crackers? This is for you. Worry that you won’t have anything to contribute? This is especially for you. When we work in service together, we gain in our recovery. And it’s FUN. Having fun while helping others is a HUGE part of our individual recovery.
Our next AIS Outreach Committee meeting is Wednesday, February 26 at 6:30pm in Queen Anne Lutheran Church, 2400 8th Ave W Seattle.
Let it begin with me
When anyone anywhere
Reaches out for help
Let the hand of Al-Anon and Alateen
Always be there
And let it begin with me
Interested and/or have questions? Email Jennifer S. at
outreach@seattle-al-anon.org
Safety in Our Meetings and Al-Anon Traditions
Lately, some of my regular meetings have struggled with handling disruptive people who seem unaware of acceptable meeting behavior. As stated in WSO’s Let’s Talk About Safety in Al-Anon Meetings!, difficult outside problems find their way into our rooms. We have a responsibility to provide a safe environment so that everyone can focus on recovery.
Usually, the person needs an explanation—but sometimes, the disruptions can seriously threaten the ability of a group to function. A group facing this situation can make decisions based on an informed group conscience guided by the group’s Higher Power. Al-Anon Traditions can guide us.
“Our common welfare should come first…” (Tradition One). What is best for the group as a whole must be the overarching principle when deciding what to do about a disruption. The principle that “personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity” includes the idea that “each person’s opinion counts and that no one person should force the group to do anything” (Paths to Recovery, p. 140). To me, this means that if a person becomes disruptive, I have a responsibility to speak up to keep the meeting on track and to help newcomers feel reassured, so they hear the Al-Anon message. It also means that no one can be expelled from a meeting except as a last resort after the disruptive member has had a chance to be heard and to amend their behavior.
“Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics.…” (Tradition Five). This spiritual purpose is our only reason for existence. It guides us to keep in mind as we make safety decisions that our single focus must be “welcoming and giving comfort” to anyone affected by alcoholism, including the disruptive person.
It is essential to maintain safety in our meetings. If we keep our focus on our common welfare as guided by our single spiritual purpose, our groups will gracefully deal with whatever disruptions arise and be made stronger in the process.
Usually, the person needs an explanation—but sometimes, the disruptions can seriously threaten the ability of a group to function. A group facing this situation can make decisions based on an informed group conscience guided by the group’s Higher Power. Al-Anon Traditions can guide us.
“Our common welfare should come first…” (Tradition One). What is best for the group as a whole must be the overarching principle when deciding what to do about a disruption. The principle that “personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity” includes the idea that “each person’s opinion counts and that no one person should force the group to do anything” (Paths to Recovery, p. 140). To me, this means that if a person becomes disruptive, I have a responsibility to speak up to keep the meeting on track and to help newcomers feel reassured, so they hear the Al-Anon message. It also means that no one can be expelled from a meeting except as a last resort after the disruptive member has had a chance to be heard and to amend their behavior.
“Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics.…” (Tradition Five). This spiritual purpose is our only reason for existence. It guides us to keep in mind as we make safety decisions that our single focus must be “welcoming and giving comfort” to anyone affected by alcoholism, including the disruptive person.
It is essential to maintain safety in our meetings. If we keep our focus on our common welfare as guided by our single spiritual purpose, our groups will gracefully deal with whatever disruptions arise and be made stronger in the process.
Sharing My Experience, Strength, and Hope
My first time in the rooms of Al-Anon was several decades ago. I remember being somewhat apprehensive, but despite being nervous, I felt determined to share. I liked the format of being able to speak without being corrected, criticized, or interrupted. It felt cathartic to read a page from a daily reader and then talk about whatever came up. Even though I was new to the rooms, I discovered I still had something viable to share as I already had life experience, could identify strengths, and was led there by hope!
Al-Anon became a safe place to talk candidly about things that had previously been couched in denial or swept under the rug. A rug that tends to become very lumpy with an elephant underneath it is easy to trip over! Initially, I thought I was going to Al-Anon strictly to deal with a history of alcoholism in my family. Still, it helped me to recognize that my marriage was dysfunctional and that I could have a plan B when things went awry.
I was so thankful when others shared their vulnerabilities, feelings, and struggles as that gave me a sense of belonging and the courage to share my own. It was and still is painful to watch people I care about succumb to alcoholism and addictions. I want good things for their lives, and want to have a closer and safer relationship with them. However, experience teaches me that it is best to have the appropriate boundaries and to trust my instincts when I am engaging with someone who is actively drinking. The mood can change quickly, and I may find myself recoiling in pain from sharp comments or other hurtful behaviors.
I can find my strength during challenging times by doing “First Things First.” This helps me get into the present moment and to stop that obsessive worry wheel from turning in my mind. Just spending time with fellow travelers gives me a feeling of belonging and a restorative strength. I am no longer alone, struggling under the weight of chaos and dysfunction.
When I spend my time trying to figure out how to “rescue” others from their own choices and behaviors … my life inevitably becomes unmanageable. Prayer helps me to find my way back to sanity and serenity. I even ask for help to “Let Go and Let God.” When I’m able to let go of other people’s problems, I become free to live my own life. I then discover hope for today and the future!
Al-Anon became a safe place to talk candidly about things that had previously been couched in denial or swept under the rug. A rug that tends to become very lumpy with an elephant underneath it is easy to trip over! Initially, I thought I was going to Al-Anon strictly to deal with a history of alcoholism in my family. Still, it helped me to recognize that my marriage was dysfunctional and that I could have a plan B when things went awry.
I was so thankful when others shared their vulnerabilities, feelings, and struggles as that gave me a sense of belonging and the courage to share my own. It was and still is painful to watch people I care about succumb to alcoholism and addictions. I want good things for their lives, and want to have a closer and safer relationship with them. However, experience teaches me that it is best to have the appropriate boundaries and to trust my instincts when I am engaging with someone who is actively drinking. The mood can change quickly, and I may find myself recoiling in pain from sharp comments or other hurtful behaviors.
I can find my strength during challenging times by doing “First Things First.” This helps me get into the present moment and to stop that obsessive worry wheel from turning in my mind. Just spending time with fellow travelers gives me a feeling of belonging and a restorative strength. I am no longer alone, struggling under the weight of chaos and dysfunction.
When I spend my time trying to figure out how to “rescue” others from their own choices and behaviors … my life inevitably becomes unmanageable. Prayer helps me to find my way back to sanity and serenity. I even ask for help to “Let Go and Let God.” When I’m able to let go of other people’s problems, I become free to live my own life. I then discover hope for today and the future!
Exercising Leadership
One of my character defects was taking over, assuming authority over whatever group I was part of. True, it was a valuable skill at work, not so much in my personal life.
Early in my Al-Anon practice, I tried very hard not to act as if I was in charge, particularly when participating in a group conscience. As with so many things I learn in Al-Anon, I went too far at first. I stopped leading when leadership was indicated.
This has surfaced recently in discussions around group safety. WSO has published some guidelines and discussion points to help groups review their practices to keep members safe, both physically and emotionally, at meetings and other Al-Anon functions.
As a military veteran and retired businessman, I am used to dealing with conflict and have a pretty thick skin for what might make others uncomfortable. A year or so ago, I was in a meeting where a member’s share turned into a rant and seemed to be more about taking the other person’s inventory than the member working on their program. I felt I should say something but didn’t know how to stop the share.
Another member interrupted with the statement that “we aren’t here to listen to you take the other person’s inventory. Please limit your share to your feelings, ideas, and thoughts”. To keep the meetings safe and on topic, I need to be willing to step up and stop inappropriate shares or behavior with a caring, gentle voice.
Contributing to a safe meeting means more than just being careful of my behavior or shares, it also means acting as a leader to keep those around me on track. Newcomers look to long-time members to model the program and follow the boundaries explained in the Al-Anon traditions.
I have challenged myself to work with my sponsor and my trusted Al-Anon friends to define where and when I should take on that leadership role, and how best to help my groups build and keep a safe place to come and share.
Early in my Al-Anon practice, I tried very hard not to act as if I was in charge, particularly when participating in a group conscience. As with so many things I learn in Al-Anon, I went too far at first. I stopped leading when leadership was indicated.
This has surfaced recently in discussions around group safety. WSO has published some guidelines and discussion points to help groups review their practices to keep members safe, both physically and emotionally, at meetings and other Al-Anon functions.
As a military veteran and retired businessman, I am used to dealing with conflict and have a pretty thick skin for what might make others uncomfortable. A year or so ago, I was in a meeting where a member’s share turned into a rant and seemed to be more about taking the other person’s inventory than the member working on their program. I felt I should say something but didn’t know how to stop the share.
Another member interrupted with the statement that “we aren’t here to listen to you take the other person’s inventory. Please limit your share to your feelings, ideas, and thoughts”. To keep the meetings safe and on topic, I need to be willing to step up and stop inappropriate shares or behavior with a caring, gentle voice.
Contributing to a safe meeting means more than just being careful of my behavior or shares, it also means acting as a leader to keep those around me on track. Newcomers look to long-time members to model the program and follow the boundaries explained in the Al-Anon traditions.
I have challenged myself to work with my sponsor and my trusted Al-Anon friends to define where and when I should take on that leadership role, and how best to help my groups build and keep a safe place to come and share.
Practicing the Principles in All My Affairs Isn’t Easy
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
The 12 steps are amazing—dare I say, even miraculous? Not only has their practice saved lives from the grip of a fatal disease, but the design guides us gently. In Step one, we’re eased into the idea that, perhaps, we’re powerless and our lives are unmanageable. Okay, I’m listening. I can agree that trying to control the uncontrollable just might make my life a wee bit unwieldy. At that point, in Step two, I was told the big “T” truth with no sugar coating. I was told I was insane.
“One definition of insanity is performing the same action again and again, each time expecting to achieve a different result” (How Al-Anon Works, Pg 47). My stepdad used to say, “Insanity is like taking a drink of sour milk, then putting the carton back in the fridge hoping it will taste better later.”
I have my own version these days. It involves a pair of pants that don’t fit right. The waist is too high, the legs are too tight and the length is too long. But they are super stylish and the color is adorable. So, I keep them—hoping that some day the pants or my height will have changed and they will magically fit correctly. They never do.
My insanity started as a child surrounded by the chaos and heartbreak of active alcoholism. My husband describes insanity as believing the dysfunction is normal. As an adult I sought out similar “normal” circumstances believing I could finally fix it because I was no longer a powerless child. I mothered, managed and manipulated, yet nothing changed. The milk was still sour and the pants still didn’t fit. So, I tried harder, ignored reality, stopped taking care of myself, obsessed over everything, and I became desperately controlling. Unmanageable? Yes. Insane? Absolutely!
Luckily I found Al-Anon. I was told a Higher Power could help. By that point I was ready to “Let Go and Let God.” What could it hurt? My best thinking had failed. Why not listen to the wisdom of people that I respected within the program?
I came to believe I could be restored to sanity, that I wasn’t alone, and that, for perhaps the first time, I could trust a God I didn’t understand. I came to believe a Higher Power could and would help. And gradually, over time, things changed. I stopped playing detective, judge and jury. I started caring about my health. I made sincere friends in the program. I trusted my Sponsor. I stopped thinking I knew best. I got better, and less insane.
Today my life is unrecognizable from my pre-Al-Anon days. I’m so very grateful for a program of sanity, for a God I still don’t understand, and for serenity I never could have imagined. I think it’s finally time let to let go of those pants!
The 12 steps are amazing—dare I say, even miraculous? Not only has their practice saved lives from the grip of a fatal disease, but the design guides us gently. In Step one, we’re eased into the idea that, perhaps, we’re powerless and our lives are unmanageable. Okay, I’m listening. I can agree that trying to control the uncontrollable just might make my life a wee bit unwieldy. At that point, in Step two, I was told the big “T” truth with no sugar coating. I was told I was insane.
“One definition of insanity is performing the same action again and again, each time expecting to achieve a different result” (How Al-Anon Works, Pg 47). My stepdad used to say, “Insanity is like taking a drink of sour milk, then putting the carton back in the fridge hoping it will taste better later.”
I have my own version these days. It involves a pair of pants that don’t fit right. The waist is too high, the legs are too tight and the length is too long. But they are super stylish and the color is adorable. So, I keep them—hoping that some day the pants or my height will have changed and they will magically fit correctly. They never do.
My insanity started as a child surrounded by the chaos and heartbreak of active alcoholism. My husband describes insanity as believing the dysfunction is normal. As an adult I sought out similar “normal” circumstances believing I could finally fix it because I was no longer a powerless child. I mothered, managed and manipulated, yet nothing changed. The milk was still sour and the pants still didn’t fit. So, I tried harder, ignored reality, stopped taking care of myself, obsessed over everything, and I became desperately controlling. Unmanageable? Yes. Insane? Absolutely!
Luckily I found Al-Anon. I was told a Higher Power could help. By that point I was ready to “Let Go and Let God.” What could it hurt? My best thinking had failed. Why not listen to the wisdom of people that I respected within the program?
I came to believe I could be restored to sanity, that I wasn’t alone, and that, for perhaps the first time, I could trust a God I didn’t understand. I came to believe a Higher Power could and would help. And gradually, over time, things changed. I stopped playing detective, judge and jury. I started caring about my health. I made sincere friends in the program. I trusted my Sponsor. I stopped thinking I knew best. I got better, and less insane.
Today my life is unrecognizable from my pre-Al-Anon days. I’m so very grateful for a program of sanity, for a God I still don’t understand, and for serenity I never could have imagined. I think it’s finally time let to let go of those pants!
Alateen Update
We have one new Alateen group in Seattle. This group started on Saturday, January 4, at Queen Anne Lutheran Church. The group has 2 AMIAS and a backup AMIAS when needed, and is supported by the Saturday morning “How Important Is It?” Women’s AFG. We meet every Saturday at 10:30-11:30 am.
Here is some information if your Al-Anon Group is interested in supporting a new Alateen group:
Learning new skills as an AMIAS:
It has been my pleasure to be part of the Alateen Program for the past year. First, I completed the training to be an AMIAS and was fortunate to be asked to be a back-up when an AMIAS could not attend a meeting. This allowed me to see what Alateen is and how a meeting unfolds. I was happy to work with experienced AMIAS and got many of my questions answered. Being an AMIAS is helping me in my Al-Anon Program as I work on my character defects and learn new ways to act.
First, I am used to being in control and in charge. This led to my perfectionism. My role as an AMIAS is to encourage and support the teens to run their meeting. I am there to ensure that the meeting is a safe place for each teen, not to run the meeting. This is a new experience and has encouraged me to be a support for those in charge.
I am learning to be patient. When we started our new Alateen group, it was unpredictable how many Alateens would show up. We always prepared for a group, and some meetings have no members. On other days we may have one, two, three, or more members. We hold the meeting with whoever shows up and are grateful for each person.
I am also learning to ask for help. In Al-Anon, you are never alone. As an AMIAS, we have a relationship with our District, with our Alateen Coordinator and Safety Coordinator, and with the World Service Committee. We can ask for help if we do not know what to do and ask people to support us when needed.
Here is some information if your Al-Anon Group is interested in supporting a new Alateen group:
- Contact our AIS Alateen Coordinator to help you know what to do as you start the group
- Consider the location, time, and proximity of the Al-Anon meeting to ensure that teens will be able to attend
- Outreach to the fellowship and the community to let them know that a meeting will be starting
- Discuss how the Al-Anon group might support a new Alateen group by helping sponsor rent, literature, and snacks. If the group is not able to support the group financially, get in touch with your District Rep or AIS Alateen Coordinator to help find financial assistance.
Learning new skills as an AMIAS:
It has been my pleasure to be part of the Alateen Program for the past year. First, I completed the training to be an AMIAS and was fortunate to be asked to be a back-up when an AMIAS could not attend a meeting. This allowed me to see what Alateen is and how a meeting unfolds. I was happy to work with experienced AMIAS and got many of my questions answered. Being an AMIAS is helping me in my Al-Anon Program as I work on my character defects and learn new ways to act.
First, I am used to being in control and in charge. This led to my perfectionism. My role as an AMIAS is to encourage and support the teens to run their meeting. I am there to ensure that the meeting is a safe place for each teen, not to run the meeting. This is a new experience and has encouraged me to be a support for those in charge.
I am learning to be patient. When we started our new Alateen group, it was unpredictable how many Alateens would show up. We always prepared for a group, and some meetings have no members. On other days we may have one, two, three, or more members. We hold the meeting with whoever shows up and are grateful for each person.
I am also learning to ask for help. In Al-Anon, you are never alone. As an AMIAS, we have a relationship with our District, with our Alateen Coordinator and Safety Coordinator, and with the World Service Committee. We can ask for help if we do not know what to do and ask people to support us when needed.
January AIS Council Meeting Summary
Treasurer’s Report: Treasurer Linda H shared financial reports and gave an overview of the current financial status. Signatures on the checking account will need to be changed to reflect the current board.
Financial Policy Task Force: The group has met once. They will look for good projects to spend down the amount that is determined to be above our ample reserves. Donations from groups are still necessary for continued AIS operating expenses.
AIS Board Officers Insurance: Eliza D gave an overview of the ongoing discussions about whether there is a need for Board of Director insurance for the AIS Board. Doug L and Roxanne T will research this further and report back by the end of March.
Chair’s Report: Eliza D welcomed all those helping to make Al-Anon grow. She said that Luca S, Communications Coordinator, will send out meeting notices prior to the monthly AIS Board meetings. He will also research the distribution list for meeting reminders.
Open Positions: The Phone Volunteers Coordinator position is open and phone volunteers are needed. The information on the website that details the duties. Rosa V volunteered to help with Spanish-speaking callers. The Archivist Coordinator position is also open. Anyone who is interested in this position should contact Eliza D.
AIS Office/LDC Co-Coordinators’ Report: Doug L and Julie R are learning the operation. The new office equipment is working well. They have done an inventory and have an accurate count of the literature. Service Manual Exchange: Eliza D explained the typical 3-year cycle between service manual updates. The discussion was tabled for a succinct motion next month.
Alateen Coordinator’s Report: Kathy B and Jennifer S met with Seattle Schools to discuss bringing Alateen into Middle Schools. The new Saturday Alateen meeting started but no members have attend yet. The next AMIAS meeting is on January 22 to discuss future projects.
Outreach Coordinator’s Report: Jennifer S is working on new Alateen meetings and possible bus advertising.
Tech Coordinator’s Report: Jeff M submitted a report. He has updated the email addresses for the new board roles. Laurel W will attend the March AIS Council meeting regarding service for the deaf/hearing impaired community.
Communications Coordinator Report: Luca S is getting into the swing of things and Teresa H is sharing info with him. BITS submissions should be sent to Luca S at communications@seattle-al-anon.org.
Lois’s Birthday Celebration Co-Coordinator’s Report: The celebration of Lois’s birthday will be 5 pm February 29 at St Andrews Church. The room capacity is 180 people. This AIS fellowship event is also a potluck. Volunteers are needed. Please contact event@seattle-al-anon.org.
Financial Policy Task Force: The group has met once. They will look for good projects to spend down the amount that is determined to be above our ample reserves. Donations from groups are still necessary for continued AIS operating expenses.
AIS Board Officers Insurance: Eliza D gave an overview of the ongoing discussions about whether there is a need for Board of Director insurance for the AIS Board. Doug L and Roxanne T will research this further and report back by the end of March.
Chair’s Report: Eliza D welcomed all those helping to make Al-Anon grow. She said that Luca S, Communications Coordinator, will send out meeting notices prior to the monthly AIS Board meetings. He will also research the distribution list for meeting reminders.
Open Positions: The Phone Volunteers Coordinator position is open and phone volunteers are needed. The information on the website that details the duties. Rosa V volunteered to help with Spanish-speaking callers. The Archivist Coordinator position is also open. Anyone who is interested in this position should contact Eliza D.
AIS Office/LDC Co-Coordinators’ Report: Doug L and Julie R are learning the operation. The new office equipment is working well. They have done an inventory and have an accurate count of the literature. Service Manual Exchange: Eliza D explained the typical 3-year cycle between service manual updates. The discussion was tabled for a succinct motion next month.
Alateen Coordinator’s Report: Kathy B and Jennifer S met with Seattle Schools to discuss bringing Alateen into Middle Schools. The new Saturday Alateen meeting started but no members have attend yet. The next AMIAS meeting is on January 22 to discuss future projects.
Outreach Coordinator’s Report: Jennifer S is working on new Alateen meetings and possible bus advertising.
Tech Coordinator’s Report: Jeff M submitted a report. He has updated the email addresses for the new board roles. Laurel W will attend the March AIS Council meeting regarding service for the deaf/hearing impaired community.
Communications Coordinator Report: Luca S is getting into the swing of things and Teresa H is sharing info with him. BITS submissions should be sent to Luca S at communications@seattle-al-anon.org.
Lois’s Birthday Celebration Co-Coordinator’s Report: The celebration of Lois’s birthday will be 5 pm February 29 at St Andrews Church. The room capacity is 180 people. This AIS fellowship event is also a potluck. Volunteers are needed. Please contact event@seattle-al-anon.org.