March 2020 Bits
Step Three: The Decision
by BITS Columnist Fawn B.
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Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
How many times have you, in a moment of great passion and commitment, made a decision, and the doors that were once shut tight, finally opened? Previous barriers became opportunities. Rocky roads became smooth paths, and the very thing you decided in sincerity and hope came to be? This is not only possible but common. After a time of worry and indecision, we finally decide enough is enough. Once we make the decision, we turn some invisible corner that allows us to move ahead unimpeded. Be it self-care, planning a trip, or a career path, once we decide, some unseen supportive force concurs with us and helps us along the chosen path. “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen” (Ralph Waldo Emerson). In Step Three, we are asked to make a decision more important than where to go or how to get there. We’re advised to decide to turn it ALL over to a Higher Power. We’re given a blueprint for serenity. Our only task is to choose to let our Higher Power be the superintendent. It’s simple enough; give God our worries, give God control, let God be in charge. But just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it’s easy. There’s nagging doubt, festering mistrust, and that long-lived habit of control. Those old attitudes can bring about a spiritual wasteland. When we welcome mistrust, we forget our lives could be peaceful and burden-free. When we once again try to control the uncontrollable, we revert to the lonely belief that there is only us. We pick up the rock or the anvil, and we cozy up to that familiar place of self-omnipotence until we’re exhausted once again. Deciding to trust our Higher Power with our will and our lives can be the relief we’ve been craving. What do we have to lose? Don’t we deserve a rest? Haven’t we been hyper-vigilant long enough? Haven’t our obsessions had free rein long enough? Our Higher Power can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Letting the God of our understanding help bring us back into harmony with ourselves, with the spiritual world, and with others. We no longer have to struggle against it all. We can be freed from the worry we’ve been carrying for so very long. The doors to serenity can be opened. The path to peace can be found. All we have to do is decide. |
AIS Communications Committeea Please consider volunteering for the AIS Communications Committee. It is the committee that produces the BITS Newsletter, the Events Calendar, the Meeting Directory, and the Website. To provide those services, the committee is divided into 5 primary positions: Coordinator Events Editor Meeting Directory Editor Newsletter Editor Web Editor We are currently in need of a volunteer to serve on the Coordinator position. A descriptions of these roles can be found here. Please volunteer by emailing: communications@seattle-al-anon.org Please spread the word! |
Fort Worden Weekend: A Break for Male Al-Anon Members
by BITS Columnist Allen L.
June 12–14 is the 39th Annual Kent All Men’s Al-Anon Fort Worden Weekend.
While there are many friendship building events such as the Friday golf scramble, hikes, bike ride, and pickleball, the real meat of the weekend for me is the topic meetings. Some of the topics in 2019 were Acceptance and Gratitude, God Is in Charge, and Doing Tough Things the Right Way. There is always time for last-minute burning desire meetings or to find a friend and privately discuss my current issue.
There is enormous social pressure on men to appear “strong,” and I have observed they often don’t talk about some of our life issues in any public forum. Al-Anon has taught me that “we are only as sick as our secrets.” I have found over the years that many of us (me included) will talk about subjects at Fort Worden that we only previously shared with our sponsor. Speaking in public about these hidden issues allows me to openly confront things that I couldn’t express anywhere else.
One of my favorite features of Fort Worden is the camaraderie. At the first general meeting on Friday night, we go around the room and introduce ourselves, and first-timers are welcomed. Despite my being active in several meetings, Fort Worden provides an opportunity for me to renew old friendships and to build new connections in Al-Anon.
For many years, I looked at the weekend as a chance to do some serious program work without the distractions of my daily life. Two years ago, a long-time friend and regular attendee at Fort Worden shared in a meeting that he no longer planned any serious work. He looked at the weekend as a chance to relax and enjoy the results of all his hard program work: to have fun.
We each arrive with a different set of goals and needs, and somehow everyone ends up finding exactly what they came for!
To make it easy for you to join us, I include a link to both the AIS (https://www.seattle-al-anon.org/events.html) and the KAMA (https://mensalanon.wordpress.com) websites.
While there are many friendship building events such as the Friday golf scramble, hikes, bike ride, and pickleball, the real meat of the weekend for me is the topic meetings. Some of the topics in 2019 were Acceptance and Gratitude, God Is in Charge, and Doing Tough Things the Right Way. There is always time for last-minute burning desire meetings or to find a friend and privately discuss my current issue.
There is enormous social pressure on men to appear “strong,” and I have observed they often don’t talk about some of our life issues in any public forum. Al-Anon has taught me that “we are only as sick as our secrets.” I have found over the years that many of us (me included) will talk about subjects at Fort Worden that we only previously shared with our sponsor. Speaking in public about these hidden issues allows me to openly confront things that I couldn’t express anywhere else.
One of my favorite features of Fort Worden is the camaraderie. At the first general meeting on Friday night, we go around the room and introduce ourselves, and first-timers are welcomed. Despite my being active in several meetings, Fort Worden provides an opportunity for me to renew old friendships and to build new connections in Al-Anon.
For many years, I looked at the weekend as a chance to do some serious program work without the distractions of my daily life. Two years ago, a long-time friend and regular attendee at Fort Worden shared in a meeting that he no longer planned any serious work. He looked at the weekend as a chance to relax and enjoy the results of all his hard program work: to have fun.
We each arrive with a different set of goals and needs, and somehow everyone ends up finding exactly what they came for!
To make it easy for you to join us, I include a link to both the AIS (https://www.seattle-al-anon.org/events.html) and the KAMA (https://mensalanon.wordpress.com) websites.
Revised Service Manual and Free Outreach Bookmark
by BITS Contributor Teresa H.
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A new version of the 2018‑2021 Al‑Anon/Alateen Service Manual is now available. It is identified as Version Two. In past years, Service Manual revisions were sent out as a few loose pages to be inserted into the manual. This time the amount of revisions necessitated the printing of a whole new version. The English versions are now in stock at the AIS Literature Distribution Center/Office on Capitol Hill in Seattle. You can order by e-mailing LDC@seattle-al-anon.org. The Spanish versions have been ordered and will be available soon. Members attending WA Area Pre-Con on the first weekend in April may want to consider ordering the new version in advance of the assembly.
The newly redesigned Outreach Bookmark (M‑76) is now available. With updated graphics and text that features the same message as the current public service announcements produced by WSO, the bookmark is an ideal outreach tool. And it is FREE! Help reach potential newcomers in your community by distributing it in public places. It will be available at the AIS Literature Distribution Center soon. You can pre-order now by e-mailing LDC@seattle-al-anon.org. |
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Keeping the Focus on Myself
There have been numerous challenging transitions taking place in my life, seemingly simultaneously. The household in which I live is going through a significant shift, with a series of unpredictable ripple effects. I had hoped that the changes would bring more serenity and less strife, but so far, that isn’t the case. I am feeling a cascade of painful emotions: disappointment, discouragement, frustration, anger, fear, and grief. I am so grateful for meetings in which I may share openly and find comfort, companionship, and even a spark of hope.
Because of the resulting chaos and other effects of alcoholism in my environment, I am feeling powerless over my own life. I start to get sucked back into the dysfunctional vortex of sick relational dynamics. That is one dark abyss where I have previously succumbed to codependency. Al-Anon encourages me to “keep the focus on myself.” Not so easy to accomplish living in a convoluted atmosphere where I may be labeled as “selfish” or “non-committal” when I try to stay firm on my boundaries. However, when I reach out to a fellow traveler, journal, pray, and read recovery stories, I start to gain a more balanced perspective. I am not alone, and I have a Higher Power who loves me and has my back!
As I have shared before, I have been struggling with underemployment for several years. While applying at many different agencies and organizations, I became part of the gig economy in rideshare/delivery. I am learning how to maneuver all the problematic situations that might arise with strangers in one’s vehicle who may be subject to different levels of intoxication. Although supply and demand were unpredictable along with the pay, I got used to the flexibility and accomplishment of being of service to people late at night.
I recently accepted a job in a new field, and it is the complete opposite of what I am accustomed to in a position. Instead of flexibility, socializing, and travel, this job is sedentary, isolating, and requires learning many challenging software systems and protocols. I am overwhelmed and feel rather inadequate. I start to worry about other situations, and it is affecting my concentration. I want to succeed in this challenging new career, and I need the benefit of a steady paycheck. So, I endeavor to let these circumstances go, along with the people that are affecting my life so intensely, and let God handle it.
“Keeping the focus on myself” is healthy, and it enables me to be more loving to myself and others as I strive to “live and let live.”
Because of the resulting chaos and other effects of alcoholism in my environment, I am feeling powerless over my own life. I start to get sucked back into the dysfunctional vortex of sick relational dynamics. That is one dark abyss where I have previously succumbed to codependency. Al-Anon encourages me to “keep the focus on myself.” Not so easy to accomplish living in a convoluted atmosphere where I may be labeled as “selfish” or “non-committal” when I try to stay firm on my boundaries. However, when I reach out to a fellow traveler, journal, pray, and read recovery stories, I start to gain a more balanced perspective. I am not alone, and I have a Higher Power who loves me and has my back!
As I have shared before, I have been struggling with underemployment for several years. While applying at many different agencies and organizations, I became part of the gig economy in rideshare/delivery. I am learning how to maneuver all the problematic situations that might arise with strangers in one’s vehicle who may be subject to different levels of intoxication. Although supply and demand were unpredictable along with the pay, I got used to the flexibility and accomplishment of being of service to people late at night.
I recently accepted a job in a new field, and it is the complete opposite of what I am accustomed to in a position. Instead of flexibility, socializing, and travel, this job is sedentary, isolating, and requires learning many challenging software systems and protocols. I am overwhelmed and feel rather inadequate. I start to worry about other situations, and it is affecting my concentration. I want to succeed in this challenging new career, and I need the benefit of a steady paycheck. So, I endeavor to let these circumstances go, along with the people that are affecting my life so intensely, and let God handle it.
“Keeping the focus on myself” is healthy, and it enables me to be more loving to myself and others as I strive to “live and let live.”
Book Review: Lois Remembers
by BITS Contributor Teresa H.
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In preparation for the Celebrating Lois’s Birthday fellowship event, I decided to read Lois Remembers. I had read most of our conference approved books, but had never been inspired to read our co-founder Lois’s book. After all, we are focused on principles rather than personalities in Al-Anon. Lois herself had balked at the idea of writing the memoir for that very reason.
I expected the book to be the story of Lois’s life. And it was. And, as Lois more accurately points out in the preface, it is the story of her life and her husband Bill’s life together. Bill is a co-founder of AA so it is the story of a wife who dedicated herself to helping her husband sober up. The book wasn’t always easy reading as Lois describes her struggles with active alcoholism without the benefit of our Al-Anon Steps, Traditions, and Concepts for a large portion of the book. Without the program, she, too, exhibited the lack of sanity referred to in Step Two. And Bill was no casual drinker! She and Bill were often homeless, spending a lot of time couch surfing. She liked to refer to the two of them as “Motorcycle Hobos.” Living in tents, homelessness, extended far beyond their motorcycle and car camping trips. Bill lost job after job — not from incompetence, but rather from drinking. Lois worked many different jobs to try and keep them afloat and ahead of the bill collectors. She remained devoted to him through the good times and bad until his death in 1971 — 27 years prior to her own passing. The most compelling parts of the book are where Lois quotes from her journals about her marriage’s dark times. They reveal her tender, hurting and searching heart. Lois did seem to grasp quite early that alcoholism is a disease rather than a moral weakness (as it was considered in her time). Once she and other relatives of alcoholics recognized the spiritual solution offered in AA would be valuable to them, she shared her story. That freed others to share their stories. “It was great to find that because others had gone through similar experiences, each of us no longer had to be alone with our troubles” (p. 172). The “we” of Al-Anon was made manifest. There were a few interesting items that hit close to home. On p. 3, I realized that Lois and I are distant relatives. What a surprise! And then there were her visits to Seattle. Lois and Bill first visited Seattle in 1943 as they made a trip through the West, often speaking at AA and family group meetings. About their stop in Seattle, she wrote, “I spoke briefly at most of the AA meetings during this trip, but at Seattle I tried to make constructive talks at the gatherings of the families of AAs” (p. 143). Then on their 1948 trip she wrote, “At Seattle, where there had been no Family Group when I spoke in 1943, forty members attended a meeting held five years later.” So here we have a bit of our own Seattle area history. |
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Opportunity to Contribute to the New Daily Reader
by BITS Contributor Teresa H.
WSO is developing a new daily reader! The book is getting close to completion, and they are asking for more sharing from members. They report, “We now know not only what topics can be adequately covered, but also which subjects we are still missing. Please consider submitting sharings on any of the following topics that are missing or currently in very short supply:
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Abundance
Abuse Concept Two |
Concept Six
Concept Seven Concept Eight |
Concept Eleven
Finances/Money General Warranties |
Literature
Respect Responsibility |
Sex
Shame Spirituality |
Tradition Six
Tradition Eight Tradition Nine |
Trust
Unity |
They also want this reader to “…include such a variety of members’ experiences and backgrounds that it clearly demonstrates how Al‑Anon can work for anyone affected by someone else’s drinking. We’ve received only a few sharings from members who identified themselves as African American, Alateen, Alateen Group Sponsor, of Asian descent, LGBTQ+, men, people of color, or those who live outside the US and Canada.”
A writing guideline is available at al‑anon.org. Send your sharings by June 1 to AFG Inc., 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617. Attention: “Daily Reader.” Or e-mail to a wso@al‑anon.org with “Daily Reader” in the subject line; or submit online at al‑anon.org/dailyreader
A writing guideline is available at al‑anon.org. Send your sharings by June 1 to AFG Inc., 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617. Attention: “Daily Reader.” Or e-mail to a wso@al‑anon.org with “Daily Reader” in the subject line; or submit online at al‑anon.org/dailyreader
Training Opportunities for AMIAS
by Alateen Coordinator Kathy B.
To be a certified AMIAS (AMIAS stands for Al-Anon Member Involved in Alateen Service), a person must be at least 21 years old, and a member of Al-Anon who attends Al-Anon meetings regularly. AMIAS must participate in an Initial training and complete paperwork, show identification at the training, and receive an AMIAS number from the World Service Organization. Each year paperwork must be completed, and every other year a 2-hour Refresher training is needed to continue to be certified.
WA Area is scheduling monthly face-to-face trainings on one Saturday per month on the following dates:
• Saturdays, March 14 and May 23.
The April training will take place at the ASTAR Conference on the weekend of April 17-19.
In addition to the face-to-face trainings, there are webinars scheduled on the following Saturdays from 1:00-4:00 p.m. Please RSVP to alateen@wa-al-anon.org a week before the training to participate in any webinar.
Saturdays
• March 7: Initial Training
• March 21: Recertification Training
• May 2: Initial Training
• May 17: Recertification Training
• June 6: Initial Training
Sunday
• June 14: Recertification Training
Information for how to sign into the training can be found at: https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/alateen1
WA Area is scheduling monthly face-to-face trainings on one Saturday per month on the following dates:
• Saturdays, March 14 and May 23.
The April training will take place at the ASTAR Conference on the weekend of April 17-19.
In addition to the face-to-face trainings, there are webinars scheduled on the following Saturdays from 1:00-4:00 p.m. Please RSVP to alateen@wa-al-anon.org a week before the training to participate in any webinar.
Saturdays
• March 7: Initial Training
• March 21: Recertification Training
• May 2: Initial Training
• May 17: Recertification Training
• June 6: Initial Training
Sunday
• June 14: Recertification Training
Information for how to sign into the training can be found at: https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/alateen1
Meeting Updates
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View Ridge Open AFG is Moving
Starting March 3, the Group that has met at Sand Point Community Church for many years will be moving to Wedgwood Presbyterian Church, 8008 35th Ave NE, Seattle. Enter on N.E. 80th Street and then go upstairs to the Fireside Room. Meetings are from 7:30 to 8:45 p.m. on Tuesday nights. Richmond Beach AFG is Now Open... ...to friends and family of alcoholics and to observers at all of our meetings. Please join us at Aurora Church of the Nazarene, 1900 N. 175th Street, Shoreline on Monday nights at 7:30 p.m. Our meetings last for 1-1/2 hours and the church is handicap accessible. Terrace View AFG One-Time Change Our regular meeting facility is not available to us on March 19th. Instead of meeting at Gloria Dei Church, Terrace View AFG will meet in the Cafeteria at Swedish Medical Center - Edmonds Campus on Thursday, March 19 only. We will meet from 7:00-8:30 p.m. The location information is: Cafeteria East - Swedish Medical Center; 2nd floor (follow signs) 21601 76th Ave W, Edmonds |
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February AIS Council Meeting Summary
by BITS Contributor Teresa H.
Treasurer’s Report: Treasurer Linda H. shared financial reports and gave an overview of the current financial status. Literature sales were good in January, and donations were up.
Financial Policy Task Force Report: The 6-member group met twice to discuss the appropriate amount for our ample financial reserves. The AIS funds were raised by local groups. The goal is to spend funds above our ample financial reserve on AIS area Al-Anon projects. The group identified the following issues to consider: (1) The all-volunteer model is still new. We need to recognize we may not always have adequate volunteers to support it. (2) The Outreach Committee may have suggestions on how to spend down the excess funds. (3) Ample Reserve Fund: The group researched and discussed the appropriate amount for the AIS ample reserve fund. Their recommendations were that AIS maintains an ample reserve fund adequate for 9 months of operation. The total ample reserve fund should be a minimum of $25,000. This includes $8,000 in checking and $17,000 in CDs. The Council approved the ample reserve fund recommendations. Council members made suggestions for the use of the remaining funds. Suggestions will be discussed in more detail in the future. Donations from groups will still be necessary for continued AIS operating expenses.
Open Positions: Helen V. volunteered to be the new Phone Volunteers Coordinator. The Communications Coordinator position is open. Luca S. is not able to continue in the position due to workload. The Communications Coordinator coordinates 4 different bodies of work. We discussed whether it is best to break the roles up further or continue with the current model. Tech Coordinator Jeff M. volunteered to take care of changes to the website as part of his Tech role. Chair Eliza D. will share the info by email to the Council for distribution to all groups. Members were encouraged to share the need for Communications volunteers.
Misc: Secretary Roxanne T. will fill out the reservation form for Lincoln Park shelter 2 for the August Resentment Bonfire. Laurel W. will attend the March Council meeting to discuss Al-Anon and the deaf and hearing community. We will have ASL translation for the Council meeting. The Council voted to pay for the cost of the ASL translation.
Alateen Coordinator’s Report: Alateen Coordinator Kathy B. reported the new Alateen group is growing. Kathy B. meets with Seattle Public Schools again next week to discuss getting new Alateen meetings started.
Outreach Coordinator’s Report: Kathy B. reported Outreach Coordinator Jennifer S. and the committee met January 22 and made a list of options for outreach projects. They will meet again on February 26 to select which options to move forward.
Lois’s Birthday Celebration: The celebration of Lois’s birthday will be 5 PM February 29 at St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church in Bellevue. There is room for 180 people to attend. This is an AIS fellowship event and will be a potluck. There is a need for volunteers at the event. The contact information is on the flyer.
Financial Policy Task Force Report: The 6-member group met twice to discuss the appropriate amount for our ample financial reserves. The AIS funds were raised by local groups. The goal is to spend funds above our ample financial reserve on AIS area Al-Anon projects. The group identified the following issues to consider: (1) The all-volunteer model is still new. We need to recognize we may not always have adequate volunteers to support it. (2) The Outreach Committee may have suggestions on how to spend down the excess funds. (3) Ample Reserve Fund: The group researched and discussed the appropriate amount for the AIS ample reserve fund. Their recommendations were that AIS maintains an ample reserve fund adequate for 9 months of operation. The total ample reserve fund should be a minimum of $25,000. This includes $8,000 in checking and $17,000 in CDs. The Council approved the ample reserve fund recommendations. Council members made suggestions for the use of the remaining funds. Suggestions will be discussed in more detail in the future. Donations from groups will still be necessary for continued AIS operating expenses.
Open Positions: Helen V. volunteered to be the new Phone Volunteers Coordinator. The Communications Coordinator position is open. Luca S. is not able to continue in the position due to workload. The Communications Coordinator coordinates 4 different bodies of work. We discussed whether it is best to break the roles up further or continue with the current model. Tech Coordinator Jeff M. volunteered to take care of changes to the website as part of his Tech role. Chair Eliza D. will share the info by email to the Council for distribution to all groups. Members were encouraged to share the need for Communications volunteers.
Misc: Secretary Roxanne T. will fill out the reservation form for Lincoln Park shelter 2 for the August Resentment Bonfire. Laurel W. will attend the March Council meeting to discuss Al-Anon and the deaf and hearing community. We will have ASL translation for the Council meeting. The Council voted to pay for the cost of the ASL translation.
Alateen Coordinator’s Report: Alateen Coordinator Kathy B. reported the new Alateen group is growing. Kathy B. meets with Seattle Public Schools again next week to discuss getting new Alateen meetings started.
Outreach Coordinator’s Report: Kathy B. reported Outreach Coordinator Jennifer S. and the committee met January 22 and made a list of options for outreach projects. They will meet again on February 26 to select which options to move forward.
Lois’s Birthday Celebration: The celebration of Lois’s birthday will be 5 PM February 29 at St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church in Bellevue. There is room for 180 people to attend. This is an AIS fellowship event and will be a potluck. There is a need for volunteers at the event. The contact information is on the flyer.